Condom, Rest My Aching Back, and Dar Dartumi – The most bizarre house names in Malta

Malta, a tiny island on the Mediterranean, has a lot to offer for a tourist. Yet, more than visiting the epic fortified town of Mdina or sunbathing with a view of the azure waters of the Blue Lagoon, I enjoy a stroll among the old houses, chasing the most unusual house names.

Maltese architecture is known for artistic balconies and doors painted in vivid colours. The impending decay adds a dramatic look that never ceases to fascinate me. But there is one distinctive trait of Maltese houses rarely talked about. 

They have a name. 

Addresses in most countries are kinda dull. This street, that number. The Maltese tend to christen their houses as if one address line wasn’t enough. And I have to admit – some of them are brilliantly creative! 

Some of my favourite Maltese house names are Time Robbery and Rest My Aching Back. 

Reading the house names can give you an insight into the life of its residents. If the owners spent their glorious youth in Canada, they call their house Oh Sweet Canada. Someone in Hamrun must love Living on Prayer since they wished to live in a place named Bon Jovi.

A safe option is always the name of the saint. Since Malta is one of Europe’s most Catholic nations, there are countless houses of Mother Mary, St. George or St. Sebastian. 

Despite Malta’s infamous tradition of spring hunting, you can find some bird lovers engaged enough to call their home Swallow Court. 

Those lacking a more original idea tend to merge the name of the wife and the husband (Gina + Philip = Ginphil). This can sometimes result in whimsical combinations. The most famous one is the Condom House (inhabited by Connie and Dominic). 

The all-time favourite on the island is the Dar Dartuni. Dar often appears on buildings as it means a house in Maltese. The jokester from Dar Dartuni came up with clever wordplay. In Maltese, Dardartuni means, you’re making me nauseous. 

So, when you visit Malta, take a break from ticking the famous locations off your bucket list. Just get lost in the tiny streets on a quest for the best house names!